Coping with loss (warning: sad)

[Fnu Aw]

First off, apologies for not being around much anymore. Things have been rough.

You all know about my dog, right? My awesome talking dog? Back in September he got sick for a day. He got better, but it was really scary for that day. It changed the way I look at things. Now things are worse. He's just been diagnosed with degenerative disc disease. I spent the whole day in an animal hospital. He can live with it, but he won't be the same. He's 12 years old, nearly unthinkable for a boxer. When he was a puppy he was the most well-known dog in the neighborhood. Everyone knew his name. A few people got boxers of their own since then. He's outlived every single one of them. He's just kept going and going, never showing his age one bit. Until now.

I am finally facing the inevitable. I realize that he is nearing the end of his life. I could hardly even type that. I've realized something else too, that I'm not okay with it. He's been like a brother to me.

I still have time. He's tough. But that time is coming, and right now I don't know how I'm going to get past it.

Any advice?

[flighter]

One reason why I hesitate so much to get a dog

Once this one is gone, you should get a new one, to take your attention, I guess.

[Kiyevanie]

I'm probably not the right one to offer any advice - cause I'm a complete fail in dealing with loss.

But I can offer a hug when it's needed.

[spudtrooper15]

Dealing with loss is difficult no matter what advice you receive. And everyone deals with it differently. It depends all on your strength, self esteem, and your level of acceptance. In my opinion, and I'm speaking in terms of human family members, there is no way to fill that hole in you heart. No matter what you do there is going to be a certain degree of emptiness there forever. And yes you can remember the good times but then at the same time that just refreshes the fact that they are no longer with you. And sometimes the thing that works best for me is to just let the emotions out. I look at pictures and think of memories and just let myself cry. There's just some things that only time can heal and even then you don't know how long its going to take.

[flighter]

A different kind of loss... When my grandfather died in 1999, I lost 10 kilograms in 10 days. I was eating and all, but it just happened. But what helped me to recover emotionally was hard work, a lot of it.

[Xacoon]

There are no "easy" way to deal with loss as each loss is different from the next. The best way to deal with it though; do not try to push away your feelings as it will only damage you more in the end. Talk with others about what you feel, cry, scream, just get it out.

[spudtrooper15]

Yes, I agree. Holding things in will only do you harm and make things worse.

[Tsatu]

Don't let today pass you by. Get the most out of the time you have together. Save most of the mourning for the due time.

[paulawolven1]

I am my mothers keeper. Each day takes another memory from her, from me. I hold her when she cries because she knows that it won't get better and she longs to be "young" again. My mother is my best friend and best hugger and best "kiss it and make it better" giver. I stand strong to be her rock now, and when I am alone I cry for hours on what lays ahead. There is no book on how to be a caregiver, you just do it from the heart. No matter how tired, or worried, or sad, or happy, you must be there for her as she was for you so many years before. She says Dad is waving at her to come join him. and she longs to go, but longs to stay. I love you MOM.

[Fnu Aw]

Update: it's a mixed bag. He's doing well, but he's only supposed to need treatment for another week or two and I don't think he's gotten enough rest. He's getting really bored. He has to be strictly confined all day, and he hates it. He keeps trying to get out, and I don't know how to describe this but I think he's sending me telepathic messages right now.

The good news is that he is walking better, and he still has the strength of a dog half his age. His appetite is good too. I don't know how he keeps going like he does. The results of all his tests are in, and they couldn't find anything else wrong with him. He's really amazing.